Grieving

I had a good childhood, I had a good childhood filled with difficult moments is how I would characterize my childhood and moments of loss, extreme loss. And that loss was not so much the death of anyone, but I did experience a significant loss and death, but in death and in just connection. And once I understood that, right, I had to grieve that in all forms, in the manifestation of grieving, you know, the death of someone as well as just grieving, the loss of their presence of love. Why them still being alive and able bodied, which are two different grieving processes.

One, we grieve the fact that we're never going to see the person again, we grieve the fact of the memories we've had with the person.We grieve how we've experienced moments and excitement and joy and feelings with the person. And we grieve in the sense of not knowing, or knowing that we're never going to get that again, in person.

The other loss is different when you are grieving, because the person is there yet, they're not able to give you what you need. Their capacity, or willingness or desire is lacking in their ability to give you what they need, and what you find valuable from them. And so that process of grieving seems way more complicated, because there's always something inside of you, that is yearning and desiring for that person to change, to desire you back to want to give back to you to want to love you like you love them.